Talking about death with your child

14 15 Mom took a deep breath, calmed herself as much as she could, and started to explain to Duck about death, in the best way she knew how: We: you, me and Prickles, are all alive, Duck We need to eat food to give us energy and ‘fuel’ our bodies Our brains work and help us to think and make decisions, and communicate with others Our hearts pump blood around our bodies and our lungs allow us to take in oxygen from the air But that all changes when we die Our brains, hearts, lungs, and everything else, stop working, so our bodies stop working Some people say it’s like being asleep but that’s not quite right; when we are asleep our bodies go into ‘rest mode’ and everything slows right down When we die things don’t slow down. They stop altogether, and they don’t start working again like they do when we wake up from being asleep When we die our bodies and brains don’t work anymore so we can’t talk, move or do things anymore ‘So’, said Duck, ‘Does that mean that Fish isn’t going to be alive anymore and we can’t do things together?’ Mommy Duck gave her wonderful little Duck a great big hug. She looked at him and said: ‘Duck, I’m very sorry but yes, you’re right, when we die, we can’t come back to life. We can remember our pets, friends, and family though, just because they have died it doesn’t mean we have to forget them. ‘Could I have done anything better Mom, was it my fault Fish died?’ said Duck. ‘Not at all’, said Mom, ‘You looked after Fish brilliantly Duck, it was simply just the time for Fish to die. I know Fish was very grateful for how responsible you were in feeding and changing the water. I know Fish would want us celebrate all the good times we all had together and not be too sad.’ We can think about all the good things we did together and remember them with wonderful thoughts, that way they can always stay in our hearts. Some people have things called ‘Beliefs’, and feel that certain things happen when we die, but we’ll talk about that another day. I think we have enough to think about today, Duck’. Duck and Mom talked some more about death and dying. Mom explained about saying goodbye to Fish and having a thing called a funeral for him. Duck thought this sounded like a lovely idea for Fish.